


I Won't Let Go, I Can't Let Go

by Take_Me_To_My_Fragile_Dreams



Category: Iron Fey Series - Julie Kagawa
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-27
Updated: 2013-02-27
Packaged: 2017-12-03 18:20:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/701236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Take_Me_To_My_Fragile_Dreams/pseuds/Take_Me_To_My_Fragile_Dreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm sorry but I c-can't! I-I c-can't let g-go."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Won't Let Go, I Can't Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> Italics are thoughts
> 
> Regular typing is the present
> 
> Bold is the past

_Comfort was something Meghan was used to, because it was what she felt. When she had been in school she had known she wasn't popular and she had known that she was the 'outcast' of society (or as far as everyone at school had been concerned) and she had been, well she hadn't been exactly ok with it per say… But, she had been used to it –_ still was _used to it._

 _She had been used to the snide comments and the intentionally visible snubs her peers had given her and she had known that the_ reason _she was okay with it… was because of Robbie –or as she had now learned, Puck. But that was besides the point._

 _The point was: if Puck hadn't been there… Then she would probably be a wreck. She would probably-_ no _scratch that, she_ would _still be crying herself to sleep at night, sitting alone and… Hating herself for being different._

_Indeed she had hated herself for not being able to fit in. In fact she had even considered dying her hair, for that was where most of the comments came from; after all, there had to be something wrong with her right? Something that would make all the other kids avoid her like the plaque._

_But that had all changed when Puck came along._

_Sure she had still been sad and had still felt left out –after all, she was the_ only _person in school that had only one_ _friend- but she hadn't been lonely. And when she had been sad, Puck had always been there to make her laugh and smile again –in fact, he_ still was _there._

_And she supposed that the fact that he had stayed by her side, through her ups and downs, through her good days and bad days, through thick and thin… Had made her come to depend on him to the point of unhealthy._

**::**

**"Just stick close… It's okay. Don't let go of me, and don't say anything to anyone. They won't even notice you're here."**

**::**

_Meghan was not someone who had allot of self confidence, in fact if you asked her she'd say she had the attractive qualities of a spec of dirt. She was not one of those people who oozed confidence, but she wasn't exactly someone who was awkward in their own skin. She was simply Meghan Chase, a girl from a simple pig farming family, half fey half human._

_But with Puck… It was different. With Puck she was genuinely at ease. She wasn't ever worried about her appearance –well, ok_ sometimes _she was, but no body's perfect, right?- because she_ knew _from that look in his eyes and the way he smiled at her that he didn't mind and that no matter what, he always thought that she was beautiful._

_Thinking back on it… She'd never met anyone who made her feel as comfortable and as wanted as Puck… Not even Ash made her feel that way. With Ash she was always on edge, always second guessing herself and her actions, afraid she would do something wrong. But with Puck… She could be as goofy and idiotic as she wanted and he'd simply laugh alongside her._

_And she had to admit… That he was one of the reasons –the main reason- that she looked forward to each day._

**::**

**"You're kind of blind, you know? I wouldn't defy Oberon for just anyone. But, for you… I'd come back from the dead for you."**

**::**

_In a life where everyone and everything seemed to forget her very existence, Puck was a very refreshing change. He always remembered her and was always making up fun things to do, whether it be sneaking into the movie theater or just plain hanging out, he always made it a point to include her. Even in the Nevernever he did the same._

_He was always telling jokes whilst sending those infuriatingly handsome smirks her way. Always making her laugh when she felt like crying, always there when she needed him. And for that she was grateful. It was nice to have someone care for and protect her, to look out for her when she was to blind and stupid to do it herself._

_… She sometimes wondered if he ever truly realized_ just how _grateful she was towards him._

**::**

**"I'm here. Don't forget that. No matter what happens, I'll protect you. I'll never leave your side, no matter what comes at us. Count on it."**

**::**

_Choices. Hard choices were not something Meghan excelled at –as she had learned from past experiences. She was always screwing it up one way or another, always taking a wrong turn when she should have taken a right one. And she… She hated that she had hurt him, her loyal best friend, during one of those choices. Because out of everyone… He was the one that she didn't want to hurt. Ever, ever, ever again. And if she hadn't been stupid and had actually_ thought _and used her brain… Well, he never would have been hurt in the first place._

**::**

**_"_ Meghan, don't do this. I can't follow you this time. Stay here. With me."**

**::**

_She was stupid and idiotic and completely and utterly dense. She was selfish and cruel and undeserving._

_He was funny, and sweet and sarcastic and witty. He was protective and gentle and unbelievably childish at times- He was her best friend. And she… She was in love with him._

**::**

**"I love you too, Puck."**

**::**

The wind rustled through the large trees of the Wyldwood, making the leaves rustle in angry whispers at the disturbance; as sunlight filtered through the leaves, making specks of sunlight dance across her skin as she stared out at the calm blue water, watching as blue fins broke the surface every now and then. She absentmindedly brushed a strand of her silver-blonde hair back behind her slightly pointed ear, frowning in annoyance as it slipped back into place, before sighing and giving up. She knew she should have put her hair up.

"Hey, princess! Do you have any idea how hard it is to find you?" Called a teasing voice, a voice she knew well.

"Puck," She murmured, smiling as she turned to look at his tall and lanky form, secretly admiring the graceful way he walked, his steps soundless despite the leaves that littered the forest floor. He was clad in his usual outfit: a thick green hoodie with brown pants and soft brown leather boots, a large grin on his face as always in typical Puck fashion; and she shook her head to rid herself of the fondness in that thought.

Stopping beside her, he plopped down, stretching his brown clothed legs out in front of him as he leaned back on his hands, throwing a crooked grin at her after scanning the small clearing. "So, are you trying to be eaten by kelpies, princess?"

She scoffed, shaking her head. "No, my first experience was good enough, thank you."

"Well," He drawled, pursing his lips in mock thought, "Then care to explain why you're out here all alone? Especially when you know just how dangerous it is?"

"I know, I know," She muttered, pulling a brown clad leg up to rest her arm on as she buried her face in her knee, "I know that it's stupid and reckless-"

He snorted. "You know, it's from my experiences that I've learned that everything you do is either reckless or stupid… or both." He shot a cheeky grin at her as she mock glared at him.

"-But I just… Need to think."

"What's there to think about, princess?"

She looked away from his green eyes, biting her lip anxiously as she fought down the blush that was threatening to rise to her cheeks. What are you supposed to say to your best friend when they ask you what you where thinking about… When you were thinking about _them_ in the first place? She could imagine _that_ conversation.

_'Oh, I was just thinking about everything we've been through. You know… My brother being kidnapped, Machina, Oberon… And let's not forget… The fact that I'm pretty sure I've fallen in love with you!'_

She snorted softly, rolling her eyes. Yeah, cause that would go _so_ well.

She looked over to meet the gaze of her companion, smiling softly before shaking her head and shrugging. "I don't know… Just, everything I guess."

She bit her lip, as his eyes narrowed, silently mocking herself. 'Just everything I guess?' God, might as well put up a glowing green sigh that says, _'Interrogate me now!'_

"Hey," He murmured, eyes gentling as he scooted towards her, not stopping until their sides were brushing, "If this is about the Iron King… Don't worry about it, okay?" He smiled, before clasping one of her hands in his, smoothing out her fingers and intertwining their hands, stopping the nervous twitching that had overtaken it previously. "Like I told you, I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be there to back you up. Besides, you have a whole other support group. So cheer up, princess!" He bumped her shoulder playfully and she smiled, nodding in consent.

Even though she hadn't been thinking along those lines at all… She was happy for the way he always seemed to pick up on her fears and insecurities, and she was glad that he was always there to pick her back up before she could even _think_ of falling.

Thankful tears welled up in her eyes and she sniffed, willing them back before Puck could notice them, but his damned faery ears heard her.

"Princess…?" He turned towards her, eyes widening as she tried –and failed- to hide the few tears that had escaped. "Meghan what's wrong?"

He seemed so worried, so… Caring. _'And I don't deserve it.'_ She thought miserably. _'Not after everything I've put him through, not after I-'_ A small sob broke through. _'Not after I picked Ash over him.'_

"Meghan! Hey look at me! It's all right." He soothed, pushing her hair behind her ears as he cupped her face in his hands, brushing away the tears with the pads of his thumbs. "It's all right."

_'You're pathetic. Here you are a crying mess, with Puck comforting you. He should hate you, should curse your existence… But he doesn't. Are you really going to take advantage of him again?'_

She sobbed harder, shaking her head desperately. "No. No!"

"Wha? Meghan, what's wrong? What do you mean no?"

_'You hurt him, destroyed his heart. Don't you remember his words? 'Maybe I actually thought I had a chance. Silly me, thinking that one little kiss meant anything to you?'_

'But it's not true! He does have a chance! He has a huge chance! H-He-'

_'He what? Is too nice, too caring, too gentle for someone as selfish and cruel as you? You hurt him. You hurt him in a way no one else could have ever done. He trusted you like he trusted no one else, and you just, traded him in! For the enemy!'_

"Stop it!"

_'If you genuinely cared about him, you would let him go. So let him go Meghan… Let-Let him go.'_

"Meghan, please!" He pleaded; worry staining his normally carefree voice. "Please tell me what's wrong."

She looked up at him through her tears, his handsome face blurring into a blob of red and green as a sob broke free from her throat.

"Meghan," His voice dropped into a whisper, sad eyes searching her own, " _Please_."

The floodgate opened.

A large sob tore its way through her throat and she lunged forward, wrapping her arms tightly around his muscular chest, shuddering as one after another ripped their way from her mouth like wild animals.

"Meghan-"

_'Let him go.'_

She buried her face into his thick green hoodie, taking in huge gasping breaths as his scent surrounded her.

"I'm sorry!"

"Wha?"

_'Let him go.'_

"I'm sorry but I c-can't!" She tightened her arms around him, wailing the last words into his chest. "I-I c-can't let g-go."

His arms wrapped around her, holding her to him as he shifted, pulling her in-between his outstretched legs as he cradled her to his chest.

"Let go of what? Meghan, what's going _on_?"

His voice was so confused, so _worried_ …

"I know I'm selfish and I'm probably being cruel making you follow me around after-" She swallowed, gasping noisily, "After everything, and I know, _I know_ I should just let you go and be happy but I-"

"Meghan," He reached up, tilting her chin up to meet his eyes. "What are you talking about?"

A wet sniffle sounded as she fought back her tears. "You should hate me, I deserve it after all. So why? Why don't you hate me?"

"Tell me princess, just who gave you the idea that I would hate you?" His voice was calm and gentle, and she found herself feeding off of his composure. It wasn't often that Puck showed his serious side, but when he did… He was hard to deny.

"Not who," She whispered, "No one gave me the idea… I just- I've put you through so much and I even," She hiccupped, taking in a shuddering breath, "I even, chose Ash over you."

"I know… I know that it would be better for you if I just let you go, but I- I just can't!" She cried, wanting to run as far away as she could, not wanting to see the horror and disgust in his eyes-

"Meghan. Look at me."

She lifted her eyes hesitantly meeting his green orbs with her own tear-filled ones. She didn't know what exactly he saw but whatever it was made his eyes soften into a soothing green, understanding showing in his eyes and she shook because she didn't deserve it, _didn't deserve it_ -

Long arms crushed her into a warm chest and her eyes widened as she felt him burry his face into her hair.

"Puck wha-"

"You stupid girl." He muttered, shaking his head as he buried his nose into her hair. "Cant you see that I'm here because I want to be? I told you before, I love you and I'll follow you anywhere. Nothing will separate us, I promise. And Meghan, you know just how binding a fey's promise is."

She felt him smile against her neck, felt the breathless laugh against her skin and heard the steady beating of his fast racing heart.

"You're not getting rid of me that easily, princess. Not this time… Because I can't let go either."

**::**

  
**"Well,** it seems to me that the  best relationships -the ones that last\- are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked on somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is... Suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself **with."**  


**::**


End file.
